Never Too Late for 2008

It's only 5 days into 2009 and I don't think it's too late for a holiday update. Even though the holidays are so 2008. Well guess what? I don't follow the general principal of time. I make my own time. That was one of my resolutions in 2009, to make my own time. So now that it's 17:0x o'clock, it's time for a semi-late to the party 2008 in review.

Holiday 1: Christmas

Christmas was amazing...amazingly cold! When it snows in New Mexico, Mother Nature doesn't mess around. She's like, "You stole my land and, y'know what, eff that. Eat snow, ya bastards!" It was freezing. I stepped off the plane and looked a lot like this:


You better believe I was NOT doing lunges. It was so cold, I'm not even positive I could feel my legs.

But I'll tell you something: nothing gets rid of the coldies then some chili. If it's one thing New Mexico knows, it's chili. I had chili with posole, chili with tamales, and I can't be sure, but I may have chased a shot of tequila with a spoonful of yummy, delicious chili. My eating plan went to hell in a handbasket (full of chili).

The highlight of the trip was when my parents took us to Santa Fe. They went to college there and just wanted to show us around. Santa Fe is awesome. It has all these galleries everywhere and everything smells like, well, you know.*

However, if there's one gripe I have with New Mexico, it's the fact that we saw these creepy bronze statues hangin' around. Some were kids, some were animals, and a couple were bears. Now let me say this-- bears scare the shit out of me. I am terrified of them. I don't like statues, paintings or any other sort of bear replicas, but I'm not afraid of them. I'm uncomfortable around them because of what they represent: 600lbs of rage covered in fur. Bears will rip your face off and eat your legs all because you just so happened to walk within 200 feet of their cubs. I didn't see your name written on this forest, you selfish ass bear. It's not like you can outrun them either. They're freakishly fast for being fatties. You can't out climb them or out swim them either because, oh yeah, THEY'RE FREAKISHLY FAST FOR BEING SUCH FATTY McFATTERSONS. It's astonishing and really quite terrifying.

Of course, my family was thoroughly amused and fascinated by these statues. So much so, there was posing involved.









And then this happened:

Family: Look, KV, a bear! Go stand by it.
KV: No.
Family: C'mon! It's not a real bear.
KV: I hate it anyway.
Family: Go on. Pretend like you're punching it in the head.
KV: What?! No.
Family: C'mon. We'll take a picture and it'll be funny.
KV:...Fine.




Holiday 2: New Years Eve and New Years Day
Since this was the first year I was legally able to go out and make a fool of myself, I decided to take advantage. And take advantage I did!


Myself, Garland and Cris, Garland's sister


Cousin Noodle and her gentleman friend


Cris, her fiance B, Beezy and her boyfriend R.A.


Noodle was not impressed with my booth dancing. She must not have been using her eyes.


M and Garland


Who likes to rock the party? I like to rock the party!

Now, dear reader, I'd like to tell you about the songs I danced to and the jokes I told. But honestly, I don't remember a lot of the night. I suffered from a common ailment called "selective memory" or what some people like to ruin and call "blacking out". Here's what I do recall. Dancing was involved, as was alcohol and sequins. Bad decisions and laughing were also involved, the latter mostly being at my expense. But y'know what? I had a blast. Not just a regular blast, but a rocket flying, bomb exploding blast. If there's one thing I regret, it's drunk dialing everyone in my phonebook, including Directory Assistance. Oh Directory Assistance, you always take my calls.


Holiday 3: 1st Wedding of 2009
Alright, I realize this isn't a real holiday. But this is my blog and I'll write about what I please! This past Saturday, my cousin Bride got married. I love going to family parties because my family is awesome and on most occasions, alcohol is served. After spending most of New Years Day cuddled in bed watching The Office and my new copy of Rocky Balboa, I vowed that I would stay away from the liquor. Then I heard about this magical place at the wedding reception called "Open Bar". Oh, and what a magical place it was. I had fairy sparkled drinks like prickly pear magaritas, Washington Sour Apples, tequila shots, Negra Modelos, Fat Tires, sips of dirty martinis and the most delicious/disgusting shot called a peanut butter and jelly.

An after effect of hanging out Open Bar was my dancing abilities improved ten fold. I put Tina Turner to shame the way I rolled down the river on that dance floor. This was your dance area? Sorry, I own it now. Oh, what? You're going to play "Cotton Eyed Joe" in an attempt to get all the brown people to clear the area? Psych! You didn't realize I knew how to throw my hat into a ho down. It was amazing.


The always awesome lady cousins.


Nothing beats being fancy and drinking.


Me and Mama D


The scary ones, Poppa D and Armando


The lookers in the family.


The end of 2008 turned out to be a whirlwind of fun. I had so much fun with my friends and family. I am choosing to believe that all the fun I've had in the past few weeks is an indicator of what 2009 is and should be.

So, here's to 2009. It's going to be fine.**


*Hint: CHILI.
**Another one of my resolutions is to rhyme more. I think it's working out really well so far.