3D: The 3rd D is for "DANG! That Shit Is Coming Right At Me!"

Today is a glorious day. Why? Because tonight I am going to see this:



Yes, I realize it is a remake and remakes generally suck more than trying to drink a milkshake through a twisty straw. Normally I would be against any horror remake of any kind but this one has one magical thing that the original did not: a 3rd dimension. Yeah, you heard me. Paying $10 to see a psychopath take out some horny teens with a pick axe is ridiculous. But paying $10 to see some psychopath take out some horny teens with a pick axe IN 3-MOTHER EFFING-D suddenly becomes worth it.

If I walked up to the ticket counter and the pimply kid behind the counter said, "That'll be one human arm," I'd pull out a handsaw and start taking names (and arms).

If the ticket taker guy was like, "You can't wear any clothes in the theatre because it's a security threat," I'd take my pants off and eat my popcorn naked as the day I was born.

Point being, I don't think people realize how amazing 3D is. Sure, I could look around me and see things in 3D. The apple on my desk, for example, is in 3D and it's nothin' fancy. Apples is apples, right?

But the apple isn't doing anything. It's not killing teens with a pick axe. It's not dancing off the screen and making me feel happy or scared or excited. Mostly though, it's sure as hell not entertaining me. And really, that's all 3D movies are; a better, more intense form of entertainment. Yes, the crazed killer is scary looking, but now he's scary looking AND COMING AT MY FACE. It's essentially just more bang for your buck.

When I was a kid, I went to Disneyland and saw Captain EO. This was, of course, before Michael Jackson touched all those kids. Whoops, I mean allegedly touched all those kids. When I was a teenager, I saw Terminator, Shrek, A Bug's Life and Honey, I Shrunk The Kids in 3D. Now, as an adult, my 3D adventures continue. My thirst for movies in 3D shall never be quenched.

Really, at this point, it doesn't even matter to me if the movie is good. Obviously, I hope it is. But as long as I get to wear those awesome red and blue 3D glasses and see some good ol' fashion slashin', I'll be pleased as punch.