There was an episode once where Daria and her pal Jane are going door to door selling chocolates. They stop at a house and knock on the door. They hear distant footsteps and some banging about. When the owner of the house finally opens the door, it's a large, sweaty woman in a moo-moo who is breathing rather heavily.
"Sorry girls," she says in a deep, mannish voice in between gasps of air. "I just came up from the basement."
Daria and Jane exchange looks and then offer her a chocolate bar. Because she's a hefty and, one can only assume, hungry woman, she agrees.
I don't remember the rest of the episode, but I'll always remember the way the big lady in the flowered moo-moo talked. My brothers and I cracked up at that and years later it still swims around in my head.
Today at work I was in the basement filling my water bottle. I usually make a bee-line to the elevator, but today I decided that I would spice up my morning routine and take the stairs. My office is on the 6th floor and each floor contains 2 flights of stairs. Including the stairs to get to the first floor, that's 14 flights of stairs.
Since I'm a masochist, I dropped a mental f-bomb to the stairs and started to climb.
2nd floor rolls around and I'm thinking, This isn't too bad. Not breathing too heavy and I can feel my heart rate climbing a little.
3rd floor comes into view and I'm thinking, Maybe I can bail here and take the elevator.
4th floor and I'm thinking, Shit! This was a bad idea. I haven't even broken in these shoes yet!
5th floor and I'm thinking, If I die in the stairwell, I wonder how long it'll be until someone finds my body. Is this why everyone in early America was fuckin' ripped, because they had no choice but to take stairs? No wonder they went and got themselves polio.
Finally, the 6th and final floor and I've never felt such sweet relief. I drag myself to my desk and make a mental note to burn down the stairwell.
"You alright?" my co-worker asks, amused.
"Sorry," I say between some heavy breathing. "I just came up from the basement."
Oh shit. At least I wasn't wearing a moo-moo.
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