And on the 7th Day, God Cursed the Stairmaster

Today is Ash Wednesday. The beginning day of Lent, those 40 days where Jesus wandered into the desert and let himself be tempted by the devil. It's all about resistance, folks. Which is why, I suppose, Catholics usually give up something for Lent. Jesus resisted the devil, so the least us mere mortals can do is resist alcohol or chocolate for 40 days.

I myself am not resisting anything. I can say that I'm going to, but that's setting myself up for failure. And I don't like to fail, especially in front of Jesus.


"Everyone gets in, except for YOU."

However, I feel like I should do something. Call it Catholic guilt, but it feels weird not to put myself through at least some mild inconvenience during the holy season.

So, my Lent plan is to exercise every day during Lent for a minimum of 20 minutes. I know that most people do that anyway, but I am not one of those people. Here are some reasons why:

-Sleep is much more precious to me than physical activity. I have often set my alarm to 5:30 in the morning with every intention of waking up and going for a quick walk before work. The only exercise the morning inspires is using my raging arm muscles to reach for the snooze button multiple times. Calories burned: 7

-I gots a busy life, son. Work, school, being social, wasting time, blogging. It all takes a toll. I think about exercising on the way home, but usually just end up drowning out that voice in my head that says, "You should probably go for a jog when you get home," with that other voice that says, "You know what would be awesome? Changing into sweats and eating a cold beans from the fridge because it takes too much time to warm them up." Calories burned: -3

-I like living life on the edge...of denial. I convince myself that walking from my car to work, walking from my desk to the bathroom and lifting that heavy box of files qualifies as my daily workout. In my defense, those file boxes can get really heavy because most days I'd rather read Perez Hilton than do work. Work is for squares who are too good to waste time. Calories burned: 11.

-I'm lazy. That's pretty much what it boils down to. Calories burned: 0.

So, today begins the Working Out in the Name Of The Lord plan. Best case scenario is that 40 days from now I will be a lean, mean, wrecking machine.


Pretty sure this is what I'll look like on Day 40.

Worst case scenario is I will fail horribly and drown my sorrows at the closest IHOP. Nothing cures the blues like pancakes. Yum.