Dating the 10-year-old way

Tonight I was going to blog about my Christmas shopping, IHOPing, gym going and other general -ings, but the powers that be (read: Garland) is making me entertain her. I AM NOT A MACHINE! So I'm doing what any other sane, rational person would do: I'm writing about our conversation in the blog because that way I kill two birds with one stone. Win-win.

Turns out, writing and talking are hard to do at the same time. I'm writing right now and she's humming the Jeopardy theme song. New subject.

I went to Target tonight to get my present on. Because everyone knows that Christmas is all about going broke buying people things they kinda, sorta want. But I digress. I only had one goal in mind: to buy my cousin/goddaughter something awesome. When I was little, I judged people solely on how good their presents were. There's always the family member who gets you socks or, god forbid, underwear. You pull out a pair of granny panties in front of everyone one time and suddenly it's "Grandma KV" this and "knit me some socks" that. But Christmas was always saved by the cool family member who got you the newest toy, an amazingly warm sweater or pretty much anything with flashing lights. I want to be that person for my goddaughter. I am not above bribing kids to like me.

So I'm perusing the toy aisle asking myself, "What did I like when I was ten?" Now there's a question. I can't even remember what I liked a month ago, let alone eleven years ago. I end up in the board game aisle, awe struck and overwhelmed.

"I know, I'll get her Uno," I thought. "That way everyone can play and enjoy the game."

Then I looked to the left and saw Twister. "That might be fun," I thought. "She'll get a little exercise and learn about sexual tension when she plays with her friends."

Then I looked to the right and I saw it. A High School Musical Mystery Dating Game. I couldn't take my eyes off it. When I was a tween, I used to have a Mystery Dating Game, except it wasn't High School Musical. It was from a little show I like to call Saved by the Bell. That's right. I, like everyone else in 1993, was not immune to the curly haired mullet that graced Mario Lopez's pre-pubescent face.


AC Slater showed up on screen and it was like, "I'll AC your slater*."

But I remember loving that game. I was so hip. I was totally with the times. As I stared down High School Musical Dating Game, I knew that was the one. So I bought it and brought it home. And now I'm having second thoughts. The Mystery Dating Game was awesome when I was 10, but ten years later it's just embarrassing. Furthermore, why should 10-year-olds be worrying about dating? And just why is Zac Efron staring at me so intensely? Is there something on my face?


I don't know that I feel comfortable about him staring at my 10-year-old cousin so, lustily.

So, the Mystery Dating Game sits on the chair across from me. Zac Efron's weird kidnapper face stares at me as if to say, "You know you want to date me. C'mon, just roll a 6 or an 8 and we can make-believe date all night long." No. No I don't want to do any of those things. But Dani might. So, I think I'll keep it.

After all, everyone needs an Aunt Tina.

*My sexual innuendos don't have to make sense.