My (Fake) Family

Whoo! You know what makes the time fly by? Spending a big chunk of it learning how to use Flickr. I still feel like I'm only using about 5% of what Flickr has to offer. Lame.

But on to today's post! Everyone who knows me knows I'm all about my family. They're some of my favorite people and they're all really funny and supportive and amazing to boot. I couldn't ask for better people in my life. But, if I could ask for a new family, say a really famous family, I'd ask for the following:

Grandpa Caine

Michael Caine somehow manages to radiate both sass and general bad-assery. Like he could tell me off and I'd just wanna hug him. Plus, he seems like he'd be the type of Grandpa that has butterscotch candy in his trouser pockets. And I would tell people that he was a spy during WWII and everyone would want their own Grandpa Caine. Too bad, he's spoken for.


Poppa Gary



My love of Gary Oldman can be summed up in two words: Sirius Black.


Aunt Tina



On the scale of cool aunts, Tina Fey would be the aunt who always has gum and lets you swim in her pool. I'm talkin' an in-ground pool, not some hokey above ground pool. Aunt Tina has standards.

Uncle Malkovich



God, John Malkovich would be the best uncle. He'd be the uncle that intimidates all your friends because he drives an all black Lincoln with tinted windows. He'd let you swear and teach you how to drink. He'd secretly like you best and impart all the valuable life lessons that uncles are supposed to impart, like to stay away from boys because they only want one thing.


Mos Def, brother



This decision was based on both The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Be Kind Rewind.


Rosario Dawson, sister



I'm going to come out and say that Rosario Dawson is the best celebrity ever. She doesn't appear to be high or drunk all the time and she's nerdy and funny. All qualities of a good sister. And she'd educate me on all the best comic books, which I've been meaning to get into but am too scared to visit a comic shop.

Heidi Klum, female cousin

Second to only Rosario, Heidi Klum is my favorite female celebrity. She would tell me when my fashion choices are less than par and I would require that she say auf wiedersehen whenever we part.

The parts yet to be cast are Grandma, Mom and a male cousin. I had cast Emma Thompson as my mom and the lady who plays Professor McGonagall in Harry Potter as my grandma. But then I realized that a.) I'm not sold completley on either of those actresses and b.) I would have a very Harry Potter oriented family. I also considered casting John Krasinski as my male cousin, but I have a massive love for John Krasinski and I'm pretty positive being in love with your cousin is frowned upon.

I tend to add more people to my family the more actors I realize I like. For example, Phillip Seymour Hoffman is the distant uncle who comes out of nowhere and crashes on your couch for two weeks because he's in the middle of a genius novel but needs somewhere to re-focus and smoke pot.

I encourage you to cast your celebrity families and then tell me so I can compare and unload some of this uselss celebrity knowledge on you.