"Hopefully it won't take you as long to get there as it did to get here."

The funny thing is, it was meant to be a compliment. A sincere one with poor delivery, it hit me harder than I was ready for.

It's taken me a long time to lose the weight I have. Longer than I wanted, but as long as it's coming off, I'm happy. I am in a constant state of discomfort and insecurity in my skin. I have no idea what I look like. I know that sounds silly, but I honestly have no idea how much space I take up. It is unnerving and can really wear down a girl's confidence.

The truth is, I haven't felt like I've been giving it effort in quite some time. I'll work so hard at the gym only to come home and find all those burned off calories waiting for me in the fridge. I don't want to eat half the time because I don't know how to do it anymore. I don't know the difference between when I'm hungry and when I'm bored. I don't know what anger, frustration, joy, or elation feel like without food. I dread meal time because food terrifies me.

I don't know what I'm hoping to accomplish with this post. I'm just complaining mostly. I'm tired. I'm really tired and I want to stop worrying about calories and fat grams and whether or not my jeans are going to fit me today. I can't even explain how exhausting it is to feel like you're losing the battle. No, not losing, staying in the exact same spot. I am fighting so hard and making no progress. I'm frustrated with myself, angry with my body and disappointed that my brain can't figure out how to fix this.

I'm just tired, guys. I knew this would be hard when I started, but I didn't anticipate how much of my life it would consume. I'm not backing out on my commitment to myself, I just feel really overwhelmed. I just want to be normal sized. I don't want to quit. I just want...something.