I now know Ben Harper makes me sleepy.

Have you ever had so much on your plate that none of it really seems real? I have a million things to accomplish, but it's so much that my brain has reacted by skipping past stressed and overwhelmed to just a weird sort of calm. Like the eye of the storm; you know that there's still an entire fucking hurricane to get through, and you have no reason to be but you're just incredibly calm about the whole thing. I tend to panic in this sort of situation. My thought process generally goes a little something like this:

Step 1: What do I need to accomplish today?
Step 2: What can I do to accomplish that?
Step 3: Holy shit, that's a lot to do.
Step 4: Well, I guess if I plow through I can get the majority of it done.
Step 5: Oh shit, tonight is [insert social/family engagement that you already committed to].
Step 6: I'll just have to cancel.
Step 7: Oh my god, I forgot about that extra report due tomorrow.
Step 8: THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THE DAY TO GET EVERYTHING DONE!
Step 9: Okay, okay, calm down.
Step 10: Nap

Uh, yeah. It's been busy, I guess is the point of this post. Actually, there really is no point I was hoping to get out of this. I was just kinda tired of looking at that last post. But, to make up for being lame, here is an ELEVEN MINUTE VIDEO of a song that I just can't get enough of. Yes, the song is awesome. No, I don't know what the heck the video is about. And you're probably nowhere near high enough to understand what's going on. That being said, enjoy!



Jeeeeeeeeez, did you watch the entire thing? Don't you have work to do?

Day of the Dead: Puppies Redux

Beh-larg.

I am a zombie today. I don't mean that in the sense that I've recently eaten brains or have the urge to groan and stumble around, but rather I am feeling pretty dead today.

Example: a salesman came into our office and asked to speak with the head of our purchasing department. I know who the head is; I've spoken to the woman millions of times and I think I even have a picture of her kid somewhere in my home. But I couldn't piece it all together. Can. Not. Compute. So I stared at the phone list for five minutes before scratching my head and saying, "Uh, just leave me your card and I'll see that the right person gets it." The guy looked at me like a mongoloid, so to smooth things over I winked when he gave me his card. Winked. My own eye is trying to send SOS messages to strangers.

I don't really have anything to write about today. I've already admitted defeat and am content with being an undead, slightly hungry and mostly useless shell of a lady today.

So, because for some reason my brain can't think of anything else, here's a picture of puppies running:



Because everyone loves puppies.

Someone's being a Sleepy Sandra. (Hint: It's me.)

Things I have searched for on the internet today:

- 30 Rock quotes
- Alec Baldwin (here's a fact that will blow your mind: he used to be hot! Who knew?)
- The Beetlejuice movie
- Batman
- Remember the Titans (I watched this yesterday. And a few days before that. And one time twice in the same day.)
- Lyrics to Shakira's La Tortura and Garth Brooks' Calling Baton Rouge
- Rosetta Stone*
- Craiglist part-time jobs
- Summer school classes
- University of We Just Raised Our Tuition's History Department admittance requirements
- My bank account statement
- Horoscopes
- Whores**
- Pie

That last one was right before lunch. I don't want you to think I have a whore-pie connection in my mind. Although if I was a working woman I might demand payment in the form of money and/or baked goods. That's how much I love myself...and pie.

My searches today pretty accurately reflect my life at the moment. A few searches for relevant and important things, like classes and jobs, but mostly overshadowed by things I'll never need for any reason whatsoever, like checking to see if Garth Brooks still tours. Answer: no.


*I'm going to be honest: I'd sell my first-born for Rosetta Stone. I'd probably even throw my second-born in for free because I'd be so amped I got a free Rosetta Stone. The less effort I have to put into learning another language, the better.
**I'm not just randomly searching for whores in the greater Tucson area. I was reading this article and things kind of got out of hand.

I Want It All, I Just Can't Figure Out Nothing

I've been having a hard time as of late. I can't figure out what I want to do with my life and everything I've done thus far seems, well, bleh. Quarter-life crisis come early is what's happening. At least I think so because I'm too lazy to look up what defines a quarter-life crisis on Wikipedia.

It's not that I don't have direction. It's that there's too many directions I want to go in. I want to study history, but I also want to learn how to be an archaeologist. I want to study anthropology, paleontology, Spanish, Mexican-American and European studies. I want to learn web design. I want to improve my writing skills. I want to be a screen writer, an editor, a director, or at least an extra in a zombie movie.


Dream big!

The problem is that I can't choose. I've tried and I just can't. I decide to go with one major and it's fine for a semester or so and then suddenly every fiber in my being is like, "History is for pricks and dead white guys. Let's be a movie director now!"

Aaaaaaand that's how you spend almost four years in college and still accomplish nothing academically. It's really quite a talent. I could write a book.

So, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to build a resume right here on this blog. And by "resume" I mean "a list of things I am awesome blossom at". I'm talkin' awesome blossom with EXTRA awesome. Eat that.

1. Yelling/Shouting/Being Loud In General
Seriously, if there was a medal for being the loud, I would win it. I'd win it so many times, that they would eventually just end up naming the award the KV Award For Outstanding Decibel Achievement.

2. Watching things


Like this except with less robots. That is, unless has a spare robot.

If you need someone to watch a movie for you and then make comments about it, I'm your lady. Marathoning TV on DVD is one of my favorite things to do. I once even spent an entire Saturday watching Lifetime movies and westerns. Point being, if you need things watched, I'm pretty amazing at it. I don't discriminate between good or bad movies, entertaining or boring ones. Which leads me to #3...

3. Napping
I can nap anywhere. ANYWHERE. When I was little, my mom used to pay people to find me because I was such a stealth napper. If you need someone to be unconscious for 1-2 hours at any point in the day, then look no further. No longer than 2 hours though. Any nap that's longer than 2 hours is a sleep. Although I'm pretty good at that too.

4. Drinking
My drinking comes complete with dancing on platforms at clubs, hitting people in the eye with my elbows, drunk dialing, speaking every word of Spanish that I've ever heard and an enormous increase of Skill #1. However, it also comes with the spins, occasional vomiting and multiple declarations of "Seriously, seriously, you guys, no, shut up seriously I'm trying to say something here, I love you."

5. Time wasting
Pretty self-explanatory.